Paul F. Tompkins is one of my favorite working stand-up comedians.
The funny thing is that I didn’t know he was an atheist like me until quite recently. It’s a subject that will occasionally find its way into his act, but he doesn’t focus on it. But when he does, it’s always enlightening and hilarious.
So I thought I would share with you one of his more non-believer angled bits that I came across on YouTube. It’s both funny and touching, as Paul talks about how his mother gave up religion and would not be turned back, even by death.
And here’s a quick rough transcription of some of the better bits:
She’s in her seventies and is like ‘I’ve decided that gay people must be born that way.’ And I said ‘What, what brought you to that, uh, that decision Mom?’ And she said ‘Well, it’s a…they have a really hard time, you know, everybody gives them such a hard time and I figured they must be born that way because why would someone choose to put themselves in a position where everyone is against them all the time? So it must be that they’re just born that way. You know, they can’t help who they love and that’s just the way it is.’
And I said ‘You know what? I think you’re right, Mom. I think you’re absolutely right about that.’ And secretly, I say this to myself but not to you, you’re going to be very happy in a year’s time when my older brother comes out of the closet that you have decided this.
Old Lady, what do you think you’re doing!? You’re supposed to be going the other way as you get closer to the grave. Seeking comfort in the arms of our Lord Jesus Christ! Haha, not this gal! She had had it!
Things started to unravel until, and this is a direct quote, she said ‘Til I woke up one day and I realized it was all just shit.’ Hmm. Well. Well put Mother, dear.
So my Mom said that there was no heaven, that meant it was fuckin’ true!
She’s not going to be in heaven. There is no heaven, she’s just done. She had her time on Earth, and I’m going to have my time on Earth. We’re not going to see each other again. And that sucks, but the rest of my life is living with that idea that there’s going to be a lot of times I’m gonna want to talk to my mom, but I’m not going to be able to.
And it does suck when a loved one dies.
But you’ll always have the times when you were together. The only time you’ll ever have.